There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
