Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
