If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
