i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
