When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize