birth control should be required to get into college
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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