I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
accomplished twins. life is a go
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize