What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
