Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
