tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
