The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
