I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
love makes seman taste better
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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