sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
the liver wants what the liver wants
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
