I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
