But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
