this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
