i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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