if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
