Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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