i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
