i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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