he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I could have mohawked her pubes.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
