spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Less talking, more tequila
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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