dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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