wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My feet surprised me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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