Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Let's get the cat blown out
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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