I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
