Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
did i just pee glitter
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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