i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
