My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
