The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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