You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
