Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
