I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
