FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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