I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
