I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
