everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
