I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
