I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
