And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
