I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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