Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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