Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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