it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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