dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
