You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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