wanna go halves on a baby?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
