there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
