Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
