sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
