college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
