My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
