Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
