he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
