remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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