when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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