i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
