I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
