i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
