Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
