playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is Oprah even human
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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