There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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