you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know š
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Heās older
Like āhas a job and pays his billsā older or āstill watches porn on DVD because he canāt figure out the Internetā older?
Randomize
