dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
