i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
