Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
