And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
