He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
