she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
