there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
