good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
